Losing a loved one, especially a life partner, is devastating. It may seem like the worst thing that could happen, but for one man the situation became even more painful when his dying wife asked to sleep with her ex-boyfriend before she passed. The man was gutted by this, on top of already being devastated about his wife’s diagnosis. He turned to Reddit to seek out help on the form r/Relationship_Advice.
In his Reddit post, the author explained that his wife was diagnosed with a terminal disease and has only nine months to live. Like any good partner, the man wants to do whatever he can to make his wife happy before she goes, but this request feels like it may be crossing a line. At the same time, the author says he would feel guilty for denying his wife her dying wish.
The request to sleep with another man was shocking to the original poster (OP) who said that he has been with his wife for 10 years. Many commenters were curious if the wife was already in contact with her ex, or if she was just hoping he would still be single and interested after not seeing each other for such a long period of time.
One of the most hurtful parts of the entire situation is that the author has been put in the position to make an impossible decision. To him, it seems like saying either yes or no will end up with one of them getting hurt.
He also shared that he feels betrayed by this request, and many other Reddit users agreed. Keep reading to find out more about this story and to see what else commenters had to say.
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The OP started off his post by explaining that he and his wife have been together for so long that he doesn’t remember how he lived without her. Losing her is devastating and he is still coming to terms with that fact.
“I have been doing my best to make the last days of her life good and grant whatever wish I can. The doctors said that she was likely to need a wheelchair in 4 or 5 months, then by month 8, she’ll be bedridden for the last few weeks. That’s if she doesn’t decline faster,” he explained.
The author continued, “Recently she sat me down and told me that one of the last things she wanted to do was have s*x with a previous partner of hers. I of course was shocked and I asked why she wanted that.
So basically she thinks that her most physically compatible satisfying lover was him. She gave a whole monologue about how s*x sometimes is just physical and how emotionally fulfilling s*x is with me but it was BS to get to that point.”
He added, “So now I’m left with this, deny my dying wife a wish for my own ego, or let her go (sleep with) another man who she feels was better. Honestly, I’m so pissed off and betrayed that she asked this of me. I feel like I’m put in a position where I have to say yes because she’s dying. I know what I want to say, but I don’t know if that’s right.
I’m so hurt that s*x with an ex was apparently so good that she needs to do it once before she dies. I just hate everything about this.” People who commented on the post were quick to come to the author’s defense and validated his feelings of betrayal. One person wrote:
“Dying wishes aren’t free passes for (bad) behavior. If she’s committed to this course of action, then the relationship is over, and she can die alone in a hospice or with her (ex). OP seems completely shocked by her behavior, though.
If this is out of character for a loving, honest partner, it makes me wonder if the disease is affecting her cognitive abilities. That’s the only pass I would give her in this situation.”
Another user added, “How does she know this person at all after 10 years with you? Or that this person would want to involve themselves in no-strings s*x with a dying EX from over a decade ago? This seems like a very odd request to bring to you without any leg work or preparation.
That she would significantly risk blowing up her marriage and end of life companionship and care for s*x with someone she isn’t in contact with and doesn’t know would still even entertain the thought of intimacy with her.”
Others simply sympathized and shared that they don’t know what the ethical solution to this problem would be. A third commenter posted, “You could argue it’d be worse if she went behind OP’s back to reach out to her ex to ask him if he’d be interested in sleeping with her first. I honestly don’t know what the ‘right’ or ‘morally acceptable’ approach would be in this situation.”